Well here I sit at 10:32 on a Thursday night, thinking about how I should be in bed, considering I will be waking up in 7 hours, my mind racing, unable to rest despite intense exhaustion.
Institute has completely flown by. Tomorrow is a much anticipated Friday, as after school, we have completely 100% off from Friday at 5pm to Tuesday at 5am. Then we have Tuesday-Friday and Institute is over. Five weeks of stress, four weeks of teaching kids way behind grade level against insurmountable odds and six weeks of living in the bubble of the TFA world.
It is hard to admit to myself how much more work I need in order to develop as a teacher. I am working such long hours and with such relentless pursuit and vision, but all factors are just expounding the difficulty of the situation. I am not one to admit when I struggle, but I will be one hundred percent honest, TFA is simply hard. Coming into a classroom with kids who are not only at an academically behind school, but are the most behind at the behind school (hence the summer school assignment) is overwhelming.
At this point, I don't know if I have made my academic goals for my students. I know I have not taught everything that I have wanted to as effectively as I have wanted to. I am confident in the relationships I have built with my students, but I desire more time with them. I know my impact has not been substantial enough, but at the same time, I know that I must look forward. I still have five school days left. Five more chances to really work with purpose and persistence to help change the life trajectory of the nine students I have been assigned this summer. My students this summer have for sure developed me as a teacher and I hope that in these last few days, I can develop them as students, as achievers and as dreamers.
I wish my post was full of more success, more results and more excitement. Unfortunately, that time has not come yet. Obviously, there have been so many small successes. I have seen a lot more investment and excitement about learning in my classroom this week and I know that is the direct result of my commitment (with the direction of TFA staff) to increasing positive classroom culture and desire to achieve. In particular students, I have seen academic growth and behavioral changes that make me proud. Most notably, I see my students developing a slight, but significant beginning belief in their own capabilities. However, I will not settle until I have 100% academic, social and behavioral growth from all students and I am beginning to realize that may mean that I am always growing as a teacher, never accepting myself as good enough, but always capable of doing more. Teaching is a huge commitment and while I may not have all the answers, I will not give up.
On a side note, I got hired! As I mentioned, the last day of Institute is July 8th and on July 9th I will be heading back to NOLA (which makes me so happy--I am already in love with the city!). Then, I start my professional development at a Renew Charter School July 11th (yes I realize that is an impossibly quick turn around) and I begin teaching regular ed Pre-K July 18th at a brand new school in the district. I will have a maximum of 20 students and an aide.
As of right now, I am so ecstatic to think about the amazing impact I can have at my students and have already started mapping out my academic expectations and goals for my students. They are going to be Pre-K students that think and act like 1st graders. Ambitious, yes. Achievable, with a little determination. Okay, maybe a lot.
Basically, life is a little up in the air now. I have a job, but no place to live. I have no idea what it is like to teach Pre-K and I have never even seen my school. As far as I can tell, after Monday, the next weekday I won't be working does not come until September 6th (aka Labor Day). However, despite my complete exhaustion, I am excited to go into the next phase of the adventure. If you never take a risk, you will never grow and although it has barely been a month of TFA world, I can already feel myself growing and extending in ways I never knew possible. I am excited to see what the next two years have in store for me. Countless possibilities lie ahead of me and while I know I will have so many nights of feeling inadequate, overwhelmed and stressed, this is the job for me and I will grow and help others grow somewhere in between the hard times.
I'll end with a quote from one of my favorite beat writers. Applicable and inspiring thoughts to reflect on...
"Nothing behind me, everything ahead of me, as is ever so on the road." -Jack Kerouac
I love each of you and if I haven't talked to you in a long time, it's not because I don't love you, I'm just busy. Do not fear though, you are in my thoughts :D
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Institute Part One
I have now been in Atlanta, GA for two weeks, working to learn how to be a transformational teacher and make tremendous academic gains with nine third grade students simultaneously. As difficult as this task sounds, I assure you it is harder than it appears.
To begin, the first week of institute was exhausting. We had to adjust to being up and ready, breakfast ate, lunch picked up and on the bus by 6:45 AM each morning. Then, we went to our separate schools for trainings from 7am to 4:30pm every day. After that, we came home to go to either late night sessions from 7pm-9pm or spent the night beginning lesson planning for the next week. The schedule was a large adjustment for a large group of recently graduated college students used to late mornings and late nights. Overall, week one was wholly uneventful. We took some preliminary tests with our soon to be students, spent a lot of time in workshops and planned for behavior, investment and lessons. This week was when things really got demanding however.
My first day of teaching was this Monday and I taught on main idea and details using text features to a group of nine rambunctious third graders. We teach in groups of four, with all four of us working Academic Intervention Hour in the morning for 60 minutes where we specialize small group lessons based on need. Then, we have two 90 minute teaching blocks. First, my two co-lab members take turns teaching the morning block while I am in session with my partner. Then it flips and myself and my partner take turns teaching the second 90 minute block of the day. So in all, I either teach 2 or 3 90 minute blocks a day and 60 minutes with a small group everyday. Sounds pretty easy on the surface, especially compared to the real world of 7 hours of teaching alone with 30 kids, but let me promise you, it is incredibly strenuous. Teach For America has HIGH standards for us as corps members. We are not treating the students this summer as guinea pigs in our quest to learn how to teach, but as the first set of kids we can significantly impact. Everyone of my third graders this summer is here because they failed the CRCT (equivalent of the TAKS for my Texas friends) and will not pass onto fourth grade if they do so again. If I fail these kids this summer, it means another year in the third grade for them.
With that said, it is important to understand just HOW far behind my students are. They range in age from 8-12 and range in reading ability from probably around 1st-4th grade. Even the two of my students above 3rd grade reading level however though, did not pass the test and therefore are lacking in necessary skills. I am incredibly focused on making rigorous lessons and assessments for my students, holding them to a third grade standard, but continually find my students struggling to read the questions on the test or write out their answers. However, I cannot stop to backtrack because then they fall even further behind. Instead, I am attempting to learn how to teach the basic foundational skills right along with the required higher level cognitive skills. Through the support of my Corps Member Advisor, other Corps Members and the entire staff, I am getting slowly better at lesson planning and execution, but with only three weeks to go and such ambitious goals, the task is daunting.
On a more exciting note, I have loved classroom managing. I have found it a lot easier than I anticipated (turns out I can be a pretty strict teacher), but of course I have lots of room for growth. Teach For America has a very effective form of classroom management we have learned and it comes fairly naturally for me. First, you give explicit directions (ex. alright students, when I tell you to, I need each of you to put down your pencil, flip over your worksheet, sit silently on noise level red and look up at me with your full attention). Next and perhaps most awkwardly, you narrate behavior like a sportscaster in a nonjudgmental or praising manner (ex. so and so has put his pencil down, so and so is looking at me, so and so is ready to learn). It is incredible when you start talking about the students who are doing what they are supposed to, how quickly the other students change their behavior as well. You have to be careful to not say, "so and so is looking at me, he is wonderful, great job" because it imparts judgment on the situation. When you simply say what is happening, the kids surprisingly enough change their behavior out of intrinsic motivation, not out of motivation to please you or receive some incentive or praise. Lastly, when the behavior is not done after these two steps, you tell the student that you will implement the consequence because of their behavior and that they made the choice to not follow directions. Now, they can make the choice to follow your directions and act appropriately. While I must admit, we do get to this stage almost every day, the students are improving every day at listening to and following directions and I think with my continued improvement with classroom management and their increased classroom investment, things will improve further. And the less time spent on classroom management, the more time we can spend on learning and the closer to our goal we can get.
Now for the most exciting part, my students! My students are so loveable. Each one of them has such a unique and incredible personality and I love learning about their lives and their dreams. My oldest girl has an odd affinity for vegetables (such as Hot Cheetos, as she tells me) and her only hobby is talking, talking, talking as she says. One of my quieter boys loves wrestling and another one loves Everybody Hates Chris. The poverty in all of their lives, unfortunately is very apparent. Most of them come to school without pencils or backpacks, wearing torn, too big or too small clothes and many come from very large (between 8-14 brothers and sisters) home. However, that is not to make the assumption that their parents do not care, because they do. I called most of my students parents this week to introduce myself, ask for advice on working with their child, explain our class goals for the summer and talk about what I love about their student. All but one of the students parents was so happy to talk to me and wanted to be informed as often as possible about their students progress. They also were willing to increase reading time at home with their students and remind their students to do their homework. I find it sad how many people are quick to assume that parents of children from low socio-economic status do not care as I have found quite the opposite to be true.
I wish I had a story to leave you with about the huge impact I have had or the changes I have made, but unfortunately, I have been wholly unimpactful thus far. I am learning a lot and I know very little. My heart is in this 100% but waking up at 5am and going to bed after midnight every night still is not quite enough at this point. My students are invested in me, as one wrote me an apology letter for speaking out of turn in class (without my asking), one wrote me a letter telling me I am a good teacher and many are quick to run up and hug me multiple times throughout the day. Also, the kids frequently argue over who gets to sit by me at lunch or carry my lunchbag down to the cafeteria. However, this is not enough. After our first test, 0 out our 9 students made the class goal of achieving a 80% on the test. The students are not yet retaining what we are teaching and the first test scores were incredibly disappointing. I take this not as an indication that my students are not capable of learning, but that I am not doing an adequate job of teaching. It is tempting to make the test easier, but that is not the solution. Instead, I must push the students harder and teach more effectively. I know I am holding myself to high standards, but I did not join this movement to be a loveable teacher, but to be a teacher who catches kids up to grade level and instills a love of learning into their hearts so that they may be successful beyond my summer or year of teaching. I look back at this week with a twinge of regret, as I know I can do better, but also with overflowing hope. My students have shown me behaviorally how quickly they can shape up and now, my challenge for the next few weeks is to show my kids how quickly they can learn. I am scared of not reaching my goal and honestly right now, all odds are against me. But I am going to push and push myself until I see the academic progress. If it means more late late nights and tutoring during breakfast and lunch, I will do it. Institute for me is not just about learning how to teach, it is about beginning the process of transformation for my students. Keep me in your minds and hearts through this time, as it can be overwhelming and exhausting. I miss each of you and love you all and hope that soon I will have stories of hope and substantial change to bring you soon.
"One day all children in this nation will have the opportunity to obtain an excellent education."
To begin, the first week of institute was exhausting. We had to adjust to being up and ready, breakfast ate, lunch picked up and on the bus by 6:45 AM each morning. Then, we went to our separate schools for trainings from 7am to 4:30pm every day. After that, we came home to go to either late night sessions from 7pm-9pm or spent the night beginning lesson planning for the next week. The schedule was a large adjustment for a large group of recently graduated college students used to late mornings and late nights. Overall, week one was wholly uneventful. We took some preliminary tests with our soon to be students, spent a lot of time in workshops and planned for behavior, investment and lessons. This week was when things really got demanding however.
My first day of teaching was this Monday and I taught on main idea and details using text features to a group of nine rambunctious third graders. We teach in groups of four, with all four of us working Academic Intervention Hour in the morning for 60 minutes where we specialize small group lessons based on need. Then, we have two 90 minute teaching blocks. First, my two co-lab members take turns teaching the morning block while I am in session with my partner. Then it flips and myself and my partner take turns teaching the second 90 minute block of the day. So in all, I either teach 2 or 3 90 minute blocks a day and 60 minutes with a small group everyday. Sounds pretty easy on the surface, especially compared to the real world of 7 hours of teaching alone with 30 kids, but let me promise you, it is incredibly strenuous. Teach For America has HIGH standards for us as corps members. We are not treating the students this summer as guinea pigs in our quest to learn how to teach, but as the first set of kids we can significantly impact. Everyone of my third graders this summer is here because they failed the CRCT (equivalent of the TAKS for my Texas friends) and will not pass onto fourth grade if they do so again. If I fail these kids this summer, it means another year in the third grade for them.
With that said, it is important to understand just HOW far behind my students are. They range in age from 8-12 and range in reading ability from probably around 1st-4th grade. Even the two of my students above 3rd grade reading level however though, did not pass the test and therefore are lacking in necessary skills. I am incredibly focused on making rigorous lessons and assessments for my students, holding them to a third grade standard, but continually find my students struggling to read the questions on the test or write out their answers. However, I cannot stop to backtrack because then they fall even further behind. Instead, I am attempting to learn how to teach the basic foundational skills right along with the required higher level cognitive skills. Through the support of my Corps Member Advisor, other Corps Members and the entire staff, I am getting slowly better at lesson planning and execution, but with only three weeks to go and such ambitious goals, the task is daunting.
On a more exciting note, I have loved classroom managing. I have found it a lot easier than I anticipated (turns out I can be a pretty strict teacher), but of course I have lots of room for growth. Teach For America has a very effective form of classroom management we have learned and it comes fairly naturally for me. First, you give explicit directions (ex. alright students, when I tell you to, I need each of you to put down your pencil, flip over your worksheet, sit silently on noise level red and look up at me with your full attention). Next and perhaps most awkwardly, you narrate behavior like a sportscaster in a nonjudgmental or praising manner (ex. so and so has put his pencil down, so and so is looking at me, so and so is ready to learn). It is incredible when you start talking about the students who are doing what they are supposed to, how quickly the other students change their behavior as well. You have to be careful to not say, "so and so is looking at me, he is wonderful, great job" because it imparts judgment on the situation. When you simply say what is happening, the kids surprisingly enough change their behavior out of intrinsic motivation, not out of motivation to please you or receive some incentive or praise. Lastly, when the behavior is not done after these two steps, you tell the student that you will implement the consequence because of their behavior and that they made the choice to not follow directions. Now, they can make the choice to follow your directions and act appropriately. While I must admit, we do get to this stage almost every day, the students are improving every day at listening to and following directions and I think with my continued improvement with classroom management and their increased classroom investment, things will improve further. And the less time spent on classroom management, the more time we can spend on learning and the closer to our goal we can get.
Now for the most exciting part, my students! My students are so loveable. Each one of them has such a unique and incredible personality and I love learning about their lives and their dreams. My oldest girl has an odd affinity for vegetables (such as Hot Cheetos, as she tells me) and her only hobby is talking, talking, talking as she says. One of my quieter boys loves wrestling and another one loves Everybody Hates Chris. The poverty in all of their lives, unfortunately is very apparent. Most of them come to school without pencils or backpacks, wearing torn, too big or too small clothes and many come from very large (between 8-14 brothers and sisters) home. However, that is not to make the assumption that their parents do not care, because they do. I called most of my students parents this week to introduce myself, ask for advice on working with their child, explain our class goals for the summer and talk about what I love about their student. All but one of the students parents was so happy to talk to me and wanted to be informed as often as possible about their students progress. They also were willing to increase reading time at home with their students and remind their students to do their homework. I find it sad how many people are quick to assume that parents of children from low socio-economic status do not care as I have found quite the opposite to be true.
I wish I had a story to leave you with about the huge impact I have had or the changes I have made, but unfortunately, I have been wholly unimpactful thus far. I am learning a lot and I know very little. My heart is in this 100% but waking up at 5am and going to bed after midnight every night still is not quite enough at this point. My students are invested in me, as one wrote me an apology letter for speaking out of turn in class (without my asking), one wrote me a letter telling me I am a good teacher and many are quick to run up and hug me multiple times throughout the day. Also, the kids frequently argue over who gets to sit by me at lunch or carry my lunchbag down to the cafeteria. However, this is not enough. After our first test, 0 out our 9 students made the class goal of achieving a 80% on the test. The students are not yet retaining what we are teaching and the first test scores were incredibly disappointing. I take this not as an indication that my students are not capable of learning, but that I am not doing an adequate job of teaching. It is tempting to make the test easier, but that is not the solution. Instead, I must push the students harder and teach more effectively. I know I am holding myself to high standards, but I did not join this movement to be a loveable teacher, but to be a teacher who catches kids up to grade level and instills a love of learning into their hearts so that they may be successful beyond my summer or year of teaching. I look back at this week with a twinge of regret, as I know I can do better, but also with overflowing hope. My students have shown me behaviorally how quickly they can shape up and now, my challenge for the next few weeks is to show my kids how quickly they can learn. I am scared of not reaching my goal and honestly right now, all odds are against me. But I am going to push and push myself until I see the academic progress. If it means more late late nights and tutoring during breakfast and lunch, I will do it. Institute for me is not just about learning how to teach, it is about beginning the process of transformation for my students. Keep me in your minds and hearts through this time, as it can be overwhelming and exhausting. I miss each of you and love you all and hope that soon I will have stories of hope and substantial change to bring you soon.
"One day all children in this nation will have the opportunity to obtain an excellent education."
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Induction
On the last night of induction, alone in my dorm room at Tulane University, an overwhelming feeling of excited exhaustion encompasses the room. The buzz about the incredible burden of work at institute weaves itself amongst the energy felt by all the Corps Members at the thought of teaching summer school. Induction has been wholly easy compared to the next two years of all of our lives. For the past couple days, we have been shepherded from interview to interview and attended a few non-intensive, but nonetheless inspiring sessions during the day. At night, we have enjoyed the ecstatic feeling of meeting new people united around the movement of closing the achievement gap and the intrigue of exploring a new city that truly does (as I can attest) never sleep. It is hard to miss loved ones from home at this time, as the extroverted ones, such as myself find themselves content in the conversations about passion for human rights and dreams for a more equal world dominate the late night hours. It again feels like the unexplainable feeling of the first few weeks of freshmen year of college, with over a hundred young adults pumped for a new start, but clueless in a new environment, making new friends quickly and creating irreplaceable memories that become harder to grow when the reality of life demands kicks in.
As euphoric as we have all been in these days, despite our lingering worries of housing, roommates and for many of us, including me, employment, it is time to go to Institute and really begin. Now with a blossoming TFA support system in hand and a realignment of values and beliefs of the program, it is time for the challenge. In just hours, I will be on the road to Atlanta to begin a six week training program that according to TFA corps members, leaders and alums, will be the most demanding part of the next two years of my life. I will have to learn how to not only be a teacher, but to be a transformational teacher, not just seeking one year of growth, but seeking to bring students 2, 3, 4, grade levels behind up to par. Meanwhile, the students in summer school are not just paid puppets for practice, but real students already struggling and behind in school. Obviously this is a time for trial and error, but it is also not a time for mistakes, as my teaching this summer could help determine the future opportunities of the students I work with. I may sound conceited or all important in saying that phrase, but in reality, that is the expectation. The expectation is that one good teacher, if even for only a summer, can change the life trajectory of a student. By helping the student catch up in school and helping the student make the connection between a passion for learning and achievement, I believe a student really can overcome all the odds and go from a failing 4th grader to a college bound 5th grader, despite the geography, socioeconomic status or race of the student.
In a session this week, one of the school principals and former TFA corps member said a quote that has stuck with me, "We are not missionaries, we are visionaries." As cheesy as this quote may seem, I love it. The next two years of my life are not about serving those less fortunate than myself simply to feel more at ease with my own privilege or about obtaining some shard of content feelings in my own perceived selflessness. Instead, the next two years of my life are about fighting for the future opportunities of children from all communities to not be determined by their parents education, income or location. Teach For America is not just a job, it is a movement. I know the journey is going to be so so hard and the rewards at time may feel as though they are far and few between, but I am in this movement and I will not relent.
So I will leave you with this. I may be young, I may have no experience in education, I may be a new city with new people and in over my head, but I believe I can make a difference in the lives of my students and in the overall vision to end educational inequality. In the words of Benjamin Franklin, "Energy and persistence conquer all things."
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