I probably tell myself twenty times a day...just wait until December 22nd. Just keep waiting for December 22nd. Nothing climatic or exceptional is happening on December 22nd, contrary to the suggestion made by the title. But to me, that day is the light at the end of my very frightening and seemingly endless tunnel.
While I only have three days left before my school closes its doors forever, permanently relocating my kiddos and I into the gigantic and overwhelming new school, the scary reality of moving my classroom from one building to another flashes its ugly teeth. December 22nd is the last day I will be in New Orleans and therefore, between now and then, I have to do whatever it takes to complete the transformation, despite my incredible burden of utter sadness slowing down my usual energetic self. I have had nightmares every single night since Thanksgiving related and unrelated to the move and I have been self medicating my emotions with an odd combination of songs for a break up (I know that is odd, but it speaks to me right now), watching Wilfred episodes and playing Super Mario 3.
Last week, I was talking to the other Pre-K teacher at my school and she described it to perfection---it is like we are the new kids in school. All the other kids know the teacher, their classmates and the written and unwritten rules of the building. They have a sense of camaraderie created from experiencing the year together which bonds and solidifies the daily experience. We walk in as outsiders and are asked to assimilate. While it will be done quickly and most likely smoothly, until the actual change occurs, I sense I am going to continue to feel an anxiety that will not disappear until I leave the state for a bit.
So if I appear delusional, humming Paul Simon songs while pressing up up up B down down A B A, understand that I am simply trying to keep my head above water until my holy day, December 22nd.
"Concentration is a fine antidote to anxiety."
-Jack Nicklaus
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