Anger Management

I am livid. Not at my beautiful children, they are my little (sometimes demonic) angels. Not because I work constantly. I don't remember a time I didn't work constantly. Not at the level of responsibility I am asked to carry. I do well with pressure. I am mad at "the man."

I am infuriated at the negativity I receive daily from the person I work for. Never has anyone nitpicked me and attacked my credibility when I did not deserve it, not to this extent. Do not get me wrong, I oftentimes deserve a good nitpicking. As a perfectionist, I am usually the first and most diligent in finetuning my own performance. Atttempting the impossible task of perfection almost always brings you close to it. But for the first time ever, I am being torn apart not for the betterment of myself, not for the betterment of my kids, not for any other reason than petty ones. She does not like first year teachers. She does not like the organization I am a part of. And mostly, she does not like people who do not beg her for help. She has made all these facts crystal clear. And now I am left with the inevitable. Should I change the only part I have control over and grovel for her help and guidance when thus far, all the help she has given me has harmed, not helped me? Or should I stick to my stubborn values and not ask her for the supposed "help" she is dying to give me? In this case, I honestly do not know which route to take.

I know she will not fire me. With my student scores to back me, she would really have to have a good reason to terminate my employment. Also, even the most ridiculous and oftentimes inappropriate pieces of "advice" she has given me, I have immediately executed (even against my better judgment) in order to stay in good standing with her (not that she would ever acknowledge that I take her feedback). So maybe I should just let her hate me. But I can't take this. I come home from work everyday LIVID over some petty and mean remark or comment she just had to give me beneath the smirking, condesending smile. She has never spent more than 5 minutes in my classroom, but always finds at least 30 seconds a day to come in, look around and immediately tell me what I am doing wrong. But would insulting my own competence by asking for help I don't need just to boost the ego of a power hungry person result in enough of a change to sooth the wounds she has already carved into the surface of me. Or would it just leave a deeper more painful mark.

I honestly do not know what to do. I want to clarify, I am not above asking for help. I ask for help everyday. Coworkers and other leaders in my life who have proved to have the best interest of both myself and more importantly my kids in mind, I trust to ask for guidance. I do not trust her. I do not like her and I definitely do not understand her. And she definitely does not trust, like or understand me. So what do I do?

I'm asking seriously, not hypothetically because I am out of ideas. I tried upfront confronting her behavior (professionally and calmly I might add) and all she had to tell me was that I was wrong.

At this point, I am beginning to think she is either Lord Voldemort or that I am developing an acute case of anger mismanagement. It is probably a combination of both. Either way though, she might single handedly ruin the one thing in my life I adore right now. The thing I wake up for, the thing I miss sleep for, the thing I talk anyone who will listens ear off about--my job and my kids. And I cannot let her do that.