It has been another tiring and challenging week, but I have the smallest ounce of optimism to lurch me into another undoubtedly equally strenuous week. I had one tiny, but nonetheless significant victory worth sharing this week.
As I have mentioned on countless occasions, one of my most loveable, but absolutely mind-boggling difficult to manage students has a tendency towards violence, in the form of hitting himself until he bleeds, hitting others and myself. Working with three and four year olds, my top priority is safety and therefore, coming home with blood stained (sometimes my blood, often his) shirts everyday leaves me feeling defeated. But on Friday, I had the smallest breakthrough.
After meeting with a special ed teacher at another school, I was given the advice to stop giving attention to C when he acted out and give him LOTS of attention when he was behaving, as all his behaviors are attention seeking. Makes perfect sense, right? But also, in reality, how do you give appropriate care to a child who is bleeding onto the floor from punching himself or running out of the classroom towards the parking lot without enforcing the behavior with attention? How do you ignore him as he destroys the wall decor you spent four hours creating and hanging? Also, how do you purposefully give lots of attention to a child in the five minutes of peace he gives you when he is eating his breakfast quietly or listening to you during story time while still meeting the needs of the other 19 students?
My approach was simple after this meeting. Write his name on a piece of paper and every five minutes, give him a smiley face or a frowny face based on whether or not he exhibited JUST ONE target behavior. Attach x number of smiley faces to a reward and explain very explicitly the expectations.
On Friday, I unveiled my plan. Every five minutes C did not hit himself, others or myself, he got a smiley face. Ten smiley faces = nap time helper for Ms. Knipp. And it worked. For the first time ever, C did not bleed in my class from self destructive behaviors. He did push a few other kids and hit me a few times on the leg, but he still managed to complete a whole day without hurting himself. Let me tell you, it was difficult to go over and draw a smiley face on his page when he tore the entirity of my calender math off the wall, dumped out every manipulative I had on the shelf onto the ground and yelled that I was an "ugly MF" in front of the whole class. But he didn't hurt himself, which was the point. The other behaviors we have to take one day at a time.
So yeah, it is a small stride. And who knows, tomorrow the system might fail completely and he might act out more violently than he ever has yet. I hope not, but it is a possibility. But I HAVE to cling to this victory. I have to keep reminding myself and humbling myself that at my (now 21) years of living, I have never experienced the pain, suffering and hardship that this poor boy must have faced in his life to lead to this extreme and painstaking behavior. And I never will. He is so brilliant and resilient and I am constantly striving to change my perspective from frustration at his behavior to admiration of his extreme advocacy for himself to be heard, loved and seen. My job is not to change him, but to redirect the incredible strengths and assets into a form more acceptable and sustainable for success. In fact, it honestly does not even anger me when he acts out, it literally just makes me sad. He is so full of love, ingenuity and potential, but so poisoned by the woes of life that I have never felt. But he is not broken, he just needs a little patience, a lot of love and an absolute relentless determination from myself and our entire school to get him from A to B.
Please keep me in mind, for I can't help but feel a little overwhelmed, underqualified and fairly exhausted from time to time, but take comfort in the fact that I have not lost hope nor have I stopped trying. I am going to get my students where they need to be, whatever it takes. One small stride at a time.
"I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish humble tasks as though they were great and noble. The world is moved along not only by the mighty shoves of its heroes but also by the aggregate of the tiny pushes of each honest worker. " -Helen Keller
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